Ok, so there I was, all impressionable and new to the Nigerian working world as I did my NYSC bit for my country. I was all gingered and ready to design some stunning graphics art work for some communications company, and just as I switched on the computer, getting ready to really get stuck it to the work, I see a text document on my desktop.
I’m like “hey, who left this here?” (if you know me, you’ll know I’m very pinikety about my desktop tidiness) and no one owned up to it, so I decided to give it a gander.
A few minutes later, I had read it and low and behold, it was actually quite good…it was a woman’s point of view on why “you women” find it so hard to turn some guys away. So, I thought hey, why not share it… You know what? I’ll just let you read it;
I’ve always wondered why women take time to say no to guys. When I say guys I mean the ones that come like knights in shinning amour. The ones with the angelic face and magical touch. As good as they look a lady can or should only pick one out of all the miracles knocking at her door. Now what happens to the others? You would say: WE LEAD THEM ON…. Now why do we do that? Well, I’ve always wondered that and during my search for answers, I got so many stories like;
He’s just too nice to be treated that way.
He’s very emotional and I don’t want to hurt him.
I don’t care.
I told him but he didn’t seem to get it.
I’ll let you know as I continue with my research.
However, what I deducted from all our stories is that every girl wants to be appreciated, wanted and fussed over. This is what makes even the most independent women hesitate in their No’s when it comes down to it. We all want the regular calls, heart warming text messages the flattery, flirting, attention and care that used to be in our relationship at the very beginning when the fire was burning intensely from the masculine side of the wall and so even though we know quite well that when it comes to it, a big No is more like it, we still stall till it becomes inevitable. Then we say “what the hell, No, I can’t go out with you”
Ok, so it’s not exactly nobel peace prize winning stuff and could just be an extract from a random girly website, but it did the job. It got me thinking. As a “nice guy” I’ve heard all this malarkey before;
– “I just like the attention”
– “it’s not like I begged him to take me to the concert” or even
– “it’s not like I was doing anything else at the time”
but inevitably they always end up with a huge hairy “But”.
Sometimes the persistent nice guy eventually gets the girl, but usually she gets bored of all the late night calls and texts so sweet diabetics would be weary of them. So I guess as with almost every aspect of male/female relations, this is just another thing we have to get used to (Mr nice guy…I’m talking to you!)
You see, women love attention and if you want her to notice you, it’s all well and good to bombard all her senses with sweetness and romance, but if you don’t change gears after a short while, you may end up in the zone of no return, “the friend Zone”. Once a nice guy gets benched in “the zone” it’s harder than a hobbit throwing away a ring to get out.
Women will lead guys on because it’s in their programming, they don’t intend to hurt you or even realize they are doing it (Well some gurls anyway), guys learn young that if you want something, you go get it, cause it aint sprouting wings and fluttering over. But girls on the other hand, learn that if something good comes their way, they do what they can to keep it around as long as possible.
I guess what I’ve learned in my own way is that to much of any thing can get quite sickening and it’s the same with the ladies. “the perfect man” could turn out to be “the annoying man” if the term moderation is not applied in good doses to any relationship…even if it’s a one night stand.
I heard about some movie where they explained a smidgen about the woman’s mind, it was a scene were a little girl goes home crying about how a boy in her class kept bullying her, the mother kneels down next to her and with a loving warm smile says something like “sweetie, it’s alright. Tommy does those mean things because he doesn’t know any other way to show you that he likes you”.
That was that, it explained so much to me because if you think about it, the sweet boy who defended her or helped her get the gum out of her hair was no were in that picture. She remembers the bad boy and the good boy gets sidelined. So this is just a rough summation, but basically the women in our lives want the bad boys, but keep the good boys around out of necessity. I mean who else is gonna come over a 11 p.m. with a box of tissues, tubs of blue bunny ice cream, a large pizza and a warm smile?