15 Things On Puffy’s Bucket List To Do Before Saturday’s Apocalypse.
Ya heard? Word on the street is the world is ending on Saturday. I personally don’t know where they got that one from but more importantly…. Crap! Like I already ain’t got so much trouble on my mind. Now, the last thing I need is to worry about a bunch of shit I never got around to doing before the world flames on like a Burger King Broiler.
So I got to thinking and thought I’d share with you all, here’s a veritable bucket list, as it were, of dreams deferred.
A whole gang of shit like…
1. Skydive off Kanye West’s ego.
2.Score goal in World Cup and well, since there’s no World Cup, move on to second option: Kick somebody I don’t like in the balls.
3. Learn how to swim… in women like a lifeguard.
4. Make love like I’ve never made love before. (In a shark tank.)
5. Eat at Chiquito’s twice in the same week.
6. Crank call David Cameron. Introduce self as, “Deeez Nuuutzzzz.”
7. Make sure “Happy Apocalypse!” holiday cards are postmarked by Friday.
8. Open every cell in Attica, send ’em to Africa. Business class!
9. Order “Tha Big Dog” package (transatlantic shit) from Time Warner Cable.
10. Take talents to South Beach, taunt LeBron for failing to win ring as Chris Bosh weeps like beeyosh.
11. Rent banquet hall and sound system at whatever cost – just to yell at batty bwoy soundman, “Yo, soundman, turn my mic up!”
12. Release long awaited debut album: Hip-Hop Is Alive, Vol. 1.
13. Respond to every twitter joke with: #dead.
14. Reveal secret lovechild with Maria Shriver. (No repercussions!)
15. You know that R.E.M. song “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”? Don’t fuckin’ play that.