It was a simple test of strength on my part, dexterity on our part and determination on your part. It’s hard to tell if “we” still exist but in my heart, the feelings and emotions are blunt, like the edge of an unused sword; like fire you can put your hands through. It’s a shame I have to prove to you what doesn’t exist when the whole world is doing the opposite. When people are proving that Jesus the Christ is The Lord, we’re here in limbo, stalling on what we should or shouldn’t do; on what you expect of me and vice versa; on how my words should be your haven; and my heart should be your home.
“It was destined to fail”, I once thought as you carried me from service. A relationship that starts with lies can never work, “just go with it” taught me that. The truth shall set you free, though your soul may bleed, from yearning for that bad medication, that tobacco, that marijuana; that you had lived on for years like your limitless NZT. But I couldn’t think otherwise, the problems had started since then; invisible to the eyes, 2 separate lips had met; mine not in search for new love but as proof that my love was conquered.
I hardly deserve better as I have treated you much worse. But it was a simple test, watch how the scores are cursed. Like was said before, this foundation was faulty and the house doth collapse, but not on only you because we built it together. I thought it was any time any weather. But it was just the cloak over my eyes; the beginnings of relationships do that, like we were in disguise; of whom we really were to one another; of how we were to be and what we could discover.
It was better back then, full words and tentative emotions; like it was sabotaged though by our search for new devotion. This train of thought has gotten to the station and I have got to drop. I can no longer refund my ticket, for it’s already used; and my life I have dearly abused. It’s stunning how I was right in my head and we now crumble; like “just Wright” when she didn’t appreciate his piano. It hurts that my passion is what you care the least of; and how you believe will is just enough, to care the most. I appreciate it though and believe that someone better off than me; will see this true beauty and be filled with glee, as I once was back in the day, and that truth will never flail, in his heart nor in mine, true love we’ll finally find. I don’t want to relate this to a lack of fatherhood, ‘because I have one and I don’t know what a father would; do or have done to make this situation better. But it looks like this is our end as I write this love letter.
I am somewhat amused at how a single brick collapsed us; for if we had a sturdy foundation, our love would truly be boundless. In my poetic state of mind, I choose to pick my words with a rhyme. To lighten the situation at hand, while within me I am deeply burdened. Don’t make this seem like “all of a sudden”, there has been a steady decline. Please don’t lie to me either, I’m no Roth but I’ll surely know when you’re not in line. Don’t pretend like this is sweet for you. You say I hurt you the hardest; I know what to say to hurt you the most and those are your words, not mine of boast. I usually end with a happy ending, but this is no fairytale, it is my life; so I do not know the ending, I shall just remain in this strife.
This has been long overdue, and you and I both know it, not as in the Jason Mraz song, but I would love to quote it. I never appreciated it till a little dark miss pointed it out. She’s called the geek in the pink and she’s hardly figured it out. This is documentation from my heart and for it too; because as much as you and conversations, I have no one to talk to.