ILLUSIONS OF GRANDEUR – Confindence

Do you ever just take a seat to think? You know, about your life, who you are, what you’ve done, how well you’re doing? Does it ever cross your mind that maybe some of the things that occurred were simply acts of God or fate or destiny, and there was nothing you could possibly have done about it? That there was some external influence in some mistakes you made that later brought some wisdom of which without, you wouldn’t have been able to make some big life changing decisions? A mouthful, isn’t it?

What really got me thinking was the realization of some of my traits; quite literally, who I am. Generally, I’m a shy guy but I can be wild when comfortable; to strangers, I may be a terrible public speaker, but on my own, I can write wonderful words for such a person. Most peculiar, how to peers I am at times a pillar of solace; one to look to for advice, if I may say so myself, even though I can’t really talk confidently unless it’s more of a one on one situation. So, I began to question myself. Why am I like this? Why am I who I am? And I went through the Nature vs. Nurture argument in my head, guess what? None of them won. I just finally came to the conclusion that both are influences. But still, that didn’t answer my questions.

For those unfamiliar with the aforementioned argument, it’s a regular ‘Who You Are?’ school of thought differential; basically, the person you are/become is based on your genetic make-up and heredity (Nature); while the other says that who people are/become is based on their parents upbringing and general life experiences (Nurture); to paraphrase the debate a little.

So… where was I? Aha! How is it that a lot of people these days grow up either very confident or end up on the other side of the spectrum, being painfully shy and anti-social? That query initiated this thought, “… maybe the whole age of technology is affecting things…” because really, the world has turned into a global village. You don’t have to leave your bedroom to communicate with huge masses of people because you can do it so easily, simultaneously through Twitter, Facebook and many a social networking site.

It’s so funny how I’m now at the complaining section of the totem pole. I can recall how back in the day, my parents would tell me that I play outside too much, that in their day, they were either on their father’s farm or their mother’s shop somewhere hustling. Now, it’s my turn to complain, I’m the one saying ‘back in my day’ to younger relatives. Regaling them with tales of how I would ride my bicycle, play ‘Hide & Seek’, ‘Catcher’, ‘Stuck in the mud’ or ‘Cops & Robbers’ (okay, we actually called it ‘police & Teeeef’, but I digress) with friends and neighbours; or literally just running around in the backyard make-believing an action-packed adventure.

So, where am I going with this? Sometimes, it’s hard not to believe that there is destiny or fate… you know, some external presence in your life making things happen. I don’t mean like “The Adjustment Bureau”, I mean actual non-fictitious, non-fantasy taking place in your life. If by the time you were ten, you had low self-esteem and endeavoured to make a conscious effort and struggle throughout your life to be confident, it just gets you wondering, why you? Why weren’t you the guy or girl that had been overtly confident since five? Why is that lack of confidence now hampering your creativity? To be honest, I have none of the answers, I was hoping you did…

Dark Sage.

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